Breaking up is hard. Whether you’re the person to end the relationship, or you get broken up with, breaking up is a difficult and emotional process. Once you’ve decided to go your separate ways, you may be feeling a lot of different emotions: sadness, anger, and often loneliness.
Loneliness is a common feeling following a breakup, and can last for weeks to even months at a time. Going from sharing the intimate details and events of your life with another person on a daily basis to never speaking with them can make you feel like a part of you is missing. Know that while loneliness after a relationship ends is common and expected, there are ways to alleviate the feeling and help you heal.
Acknowledging & Validating Your Feelings
After a breakup, it’s normal to experience a range of emotions that change on what may feel like a daily basis. It’s important to acknowledge how you’re feeling following your breakup to help you process through these emotions effectively.
Be sure to listen to your mind and body when working through your feelings. Don’t let other people invalidate how you feel: you are allowed to experience and process loneliness and other emotions for as long as you need. Healing is an individual process, and every person experiences it differently.
Dealing with your loneliness
That being said, you must take action to deal with your loneliness and attempt to work through it as best you can. There are many ways you can work to reduce your feelings of loneliness and help yourself get to a better mental space.
Talk with friends and family
When you’ve broken up with your former partner, you’ll want to reach out to friends and family for support. They will be able to offer you comfort, and even share their own breakup experiences and advice on how they healed.
Surrounding yourself with loved ones will make you feel loved and cared for, which will actively reduce your feelings of loneliness post-breakup. Don’t feel hesitant to lean on your friends and family – they are there for you!
Go out and be social
It’s tempting to lock yourself in your home 24/7 following a breakup. However, staying home all day everyday is not healthy for your well-being.
To combat loneliness, accept invitations to go out and attend social events. Going out in public spaces and making or strengthening connections will help you feel reengaged and take your mind off your more difficult feelings.
But stay in when you need it
While going out and socializing is a great way to help yourself heal, staying in when you need to is important as well. Give yourself time to relax and find activities at home that you enjoy doing alone.
This will help you feel more comfortable being home alone, and help to reduce your feelings of loneliness.
Speak to a professional
Working with a relationship therapist or a therapist in general is a great way to work through your underlying feelings of loneliness. They can help you to identify ways to work through it if you’re struggling, and support you through your healing process.
There are various ways you can deal with your loneliness after a breakup. Finding a combination of things that work for you and keep you busy will help you to work through those feelings of loneliness.
Finding Yourself After a Breakup
It’s natural to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself after separating from your partner. Especially if you were together for a longer period of time, part of your identities may have merged. This can lead to feeling lost in your own identity.
Once you’ve had some time to heal, you will want to focus on finding yourself.
Be kind to yourself
As you’re embarking on your journey to finding yourself, you will want to start by practicing kindness and patience with yourself. You’ve been through a lot – and you deserve to be taken care of with compassion. Treating yourself kindly by avoiding negative self-talk and stopping yourself from getting into a thought circle of negativity.
Instead, focusing on positive thoughts and self-talk will help you build yourself up and feel confident to take on the next steps to healing.
Try new things – and old ones too
You may have let old hobbies fall to the wayside when you were in your relationship, or not had enough time to take on new ones. Following a breakup, you will have newfound time that you can use to pursue these hobbies.
Pursuing both new and familiar things will give you a sense of accomplishment, and could even become your new passion. This is a great way to establish individual interests and help add to your own unique identity.
Define yourself on your own terms
After a breakup is a great time to redefine yourself and work on becoming the person you want to be. Your relationship may have made you feel like a completely different person, rather than truly feel like yourself.
In the time after your relationship, you have the opportunity to work on yourself and redefine who you are. This will help you to build more confidence and self-efficacy, and in-turn help you feel more love for yourself.
Breakups are hard for everyone, even when they are the right thing to do. It’s natural and common to feel lost and lonely following the ending of a relationship. But this doesn’t have to last forever.
Be sure to prioritize yourself during this time by treating yourself with love and care. You can combat these feelings of loneliness by filling your days with people and things you enjoy, while working to become the best version of yourself you can be.